Love as a weapon: How one type of emotional manipulation can result in a horrific crime.

Written By Corrine St. Thomas-Stowers, MSW

You will never find someone to love you the way I do. It’s a statement that on the surface may seem like something positive, almost Shakespearean-level romantic gestures. And for someone who has never experienced such an ideological verbiage of love, it may be just a perfect statement.

But I know, as a former Supervising Intelligence Analyst, trained in emotional manipulation in human trafficking and sexual offenses and now Adjunct Faculty at Vanguard University, the moment that I see this language in a criminal investigation, I immediately recognize the emotional manipulation tactics. Sadly, when referring to sex trafficking of individuals and even online exploitation of children, we see that statements like these are exactly what offenders use to control their victims. During my twenty-year career supporting law enforcement, I saw perpetrators use this type of phrasing to control their victims, in a technique known colloquially as “love bombing.”

 Traffickers use love bombing often during the initial stages of relationships when everything seems perfect between two people. But often, this is the first phase of trafficking used to gain control over an individual. It can be the starting point of aggressive emotional abuse and can evolve into someone’s worst nightmare – even into physical abuse. Further, what makes this technique especially effective is that it is a nonphysical item that may not always be admissible in court for criminal prosecution.

When thinking of February and the theme of Love as a Weapon, I am reminded of the many criminal investigations I supported in Orange County, CA in the last decade. In these cases, “love” was used as a perfectly selected weapon. Emotionally manipulative language can be a psychological weapon and since it is human nature to desire love, its weaponization may not be immediately recognized by the untrained eye. The offender knows that love is something that should be wonderful, delicate, and celebrated in life. This technique often leaves the victim to question, “What did I do wrong?” instead of recognizing the actions of the perpetrator.

Despite not being physical, love as a weapon can result in long-lasting, even lifelong, injuries. Love as a weapon can be used to cage someone emotionally and psychologically. We know in human trafficking and sexual exploitation offenses against children, there are typically no chains or physical restraints. It’s the illusion of love – a metaphorical cage – one that locks from the inside. In these cases, “love” is used to isolate individuals from their support systems and distract them from the abuse being delivered. A distraction from extreme chaos, physical violence, and gross negligence in the care of human life. It can be used to reinforce the idea that the only person the victim can rely on is their exploiter.

Thankfully, we have come far in our understanding of the implications and elements of human trafficking and online exploitation, but still, the abuse does not discriminate. The abuser may look for opportunistic environments, but in many cases, they do not care about a victim's background or what neighborhood they grew up in. Dismantling this behavior starts with prevention. Equipping potential victims with the knowledge and skills to identify the red flags before they develop into a nightmare. Prevention and education of tactics and techniques are invaluable. Sharing information is one of the most powerful tools in preventing victimization, one incident at a time.